John O’Hurley beware: In continuing Underhyped’s newfound position as center of the showbusiness universe, we’re proud to announce that we’re holding auditions for the newest incarnation of Dancing with the Stars, wherein contestants dance in front of a dilapidated, thirty-year-old limousine all dirty-style outside Underhyped headquarters where, from the existential comfort of Underhyped’s dining room, we will be taping your audition with our middle-end digital camera.

If you’re still not quite sure what we’re looking for, you can check out this sample audition.

MORE… Dancing with the Stars: The 25 Cent Lap Dance Edition

Underhyped headquarters was recently solicited via letter by an enterprising young drug dealer looking to unload co-caine on some of Underhyped’s (many) showbusiness friends, which I’ve taken the time to transcribe for you (or click here for a larger version):

Dear XXXX,

Hi. My name is Ron XXXXXXX. I sell co-caine on Wilcox. If you would like to buy some for your showbusiness friends call me. XXX XXX XXXX.

Thx
Ron

While I doubt this is quite the same relationship that, say, Lindsay Lohan has with her dealer, it’s still nice to know that someone as insignificant as little ol’ Underhyped can still enjoy/share a little bit of that old-fashioned pen-and-ink communication with local pedalers of co-caine. By all means, keep the communication coming, Ron!

I’m logging footage for a reality television vehicle for Ted Nugent called Wanted: Ted or Alive (or What Happens When Reality Television Stops Being Nice and Starts Acting Nuge). E.T. (the Extra Terrestrial) sneaks into the Nuge’s attic, where there are two rifles. E.T. takes one of the rifles and crawls into the heating ducts. After a short crawl, E.T. is looking out of a register near the ceiling of one of the rooms in Ted Nugent’s house. E.T. takes aim at Ted Nugent’s right-hand man standing below the register and fires. E.T. kills the man.

But now the Nuge is aware of E.T.’s hostile presence. E.T. jumps out of the heating duct. The Nuge has grabbed a rifle and is in pursuit of E.T., who is running from the Nuge. E.T. is cornered in a room with no exit. The Nuge stands at one end of the room and fires at E.T. E.T., facing the Nuge, shuffles back and forth against the far wall of the room in an attempt to avoid the Nuge’s shower of bullets. Amazingly, the Nuge misses E.T. with every shot.

Of course I think, Bullshit. The Nuge is a crack shot. He would never miss E.T. with a rifle from that range.

After months of telling everyone around me that David Cross has turned into a washed-up loser, Underhyped has decided that it’s finally time to seal the deal. And so, before you all start screaming about how great Arrested Development is, I just want you to relax, kick back, and have an open mind… about how David Cross is an asshole.

David Crosses his fans!

MORE… David Cross - OVERHYPED