I’m logging footage for a reality television vehicle for Ted Nugent called Wanted: Ted or Alive (or What Happens When Reality Television Stops Being Nice and Starts Acting Nuge). E.T. (the Extra Terrestrial) sneaks into the Nuge’s attic, where there are two rifles. E.T. takes one of the rifles and crawls into the heating ducts. After a short crawl, E.T. is looking out of a register near the ceiling of one of the rooms in Ted Nugent’s house. E.T. takes aim at Ted Nugent’s right-hand man standing below the register and fires. E.T. kills the man.

But now the Nuge is aware of E.T.’s hostile presence. E.T. jumps out of the heating duct. The Nuge has grabbed a rifle and is in pursuit of E.T., who is running from the Nuge. E.T. is cornered in a room with no exit. The Nuge stands at one end of the room and fires at E.T. E.T., facing the Nuge, shuffles back and forth against the far wall of the room in an attempt to avoid the Nuge’s shower of bullets. Amazingly, the Nuge misses E.T. with every shot.

Of course I think, Bullshit. The Nuge is a crack shot. He would never miss E.T. with a rifle from that range.